Thank Heaven for Little Girls

A little over three years ago, I was at the lowest point in my life thus far. I had determined that life was no longer worth living. After writing a goodbye note and asking someone to take care of Lily (my dog) I gathered up every pill I could find in the house and went for a drive. I was looking for this area of empty fields that I had stumbled upon a few weeks earlier. I knew that overdosing on pills would take a long time to actually produce the desired results, and I didn't want anyone to find me and take me to the hospital. Thank god, I couldn't remember where the fields were and I drove around for quite a while. During that time, I obviously did some pretty serious thinking. Once my head cleared a little bit and I was able to think up one option that appealed to me more than death. I thought maybe I could move back to Idaho and work on stained glass art. That was the only thing that sounded better than ending my own life. I figured I should give it a shot and I drove back to the house and put the pills back. Instead of moving back home, I started therapy. I still struggled with depression and self-destructive behavior for a while, but then I got pregnant with Chloe. I believe Chloe saved my life. My pregnancy came at just the right time. I didn't care about myself enough to control my substance abuse, but I did care enough about the baby inside me to quit all my self-destructive behavior. And now I care enough about my girls and setting a good example and providing a safe environment for them to never go back to my old ways.

I kind of got off track, but the point is that now that I'm a mother, I understand the love that mothers have for their children. I am so thankful that I couldn't find that field and had enough time to drive around and clear my head because I can't imagine the pain that I would have put my mother through had I gone through with it, but I think that now that I'm a mother, I have a much better understanding. Not only that, I never would have had the opportunity to become a mother. I love my little girls so much and they've blessed my life more than I can possibly express in words.