I thought my bitchy mood the past few days was due to PMS. That's usually the culprit around this time, but PMS normally clears up instantly once my monthly visitor arrives. However, this does not seem to be the case this time. I've been totally bitchy and extremely easy to irritate. It doesn't seem to take much at all for me to lose my patience. And I spent all day essentially alone with the girls, so you can image how well that went with my mood and a toddler and a 9 month old baby. Especially with no one around to check my behavior. I tend to overreact a lot more when there are no other adults around. Sometimes I wonder just how fit of a mother I really am. I spent one whole day with them, and by the end of the day, all I could think about was how much I wanted to go to work tomorrow to get away. What kind of a mom thinks like that? I dunno.
I just feel kind of crappy and short tempered and disappointed. I wonder if this has something to do with me not nursing anymore. I finally threw in the towel this weekend. I was only able to pump 3 ounces of milk while I was away from Leyla for 10 hours on Friday. It's just not worth spending over 30 minutes at work pumping for 3 ounces of milk. And then Leyla bit me with her little teeth about 5 times this weekend. So I'm calling it quits. But this makes me wonder if nursing releases some kind of feel-good hormone that I'm now missing. I've been pregnant or nursing for the past 2 years and 9 months. Before I got pregnant, I had to take antidepressants, but I stopped taking them when I was pregnant with Chloe, and I haven't had a need to use them ever since. But now I wonder if that all had something to do with special pregnancy/nursing hormones. I don't know. I'm sure it'll be apparent soon enough. I was actually reading my old journal from when I first moved to Texas, and I was pretty emotionally distressed. I've made good progress, and I would hate to go back to that emotional state. We'll just have to keep an eye on this mood of mine.
3 comments:
The living room looks great! Your wall hanging is lovely... very japanese and calming.
Now, the hormones... according to the book "Mind Wide Open" which is about how the brain functions, you DO produce happy/calm chemicals when you are nursing. So who knows.
It is a cool book if you are interested.
This comes a bit late, but I wanted to tell you that I was amazed at Chloe and her stomach gyrations.
Hope you don't have to get pregnant again so you can feel better!
love grandma v
It may not be PMS but is most certainly IS hormonal! I find that there are certain times of the month that I am, well moody doesn't do it justice, bitchy is probably better. Sometimes it goes away with the start of the monthly sometimes it doesn't. Where you just stopped nursing there will definitely be some major hormonal changes going on. Try to cut yourself some slack and see it for what it is. If nothing else go to another room. I know I have often wondered how "fit" of a mother I am when I am in one of those bitchy periods. Hang in there! It's not permanent!
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