Against the advice of a few key people who love me to death, I've been dating a guy for the past several months. And I must say, he's pretty freakin awesome. He has been SO much help to me during a time that has been very difficult.
And during the relatively short time that we've been dating, we've come out of several situations that could have easily broken up the relationship. Most of the situations involved exes and jealousy. The irritating part is that anything that has threatened the relationship thus far has been an external force, as opposed to a problem between the two of us; an ex making threats and harassing phone calls to try and keep us apart, a child feeling unloved due to the attention given to a new, younger child. There have been several instances of an outside force that appears to be trying to break us up. And I'm left wondering if these issues are designed to make our relationship stronger once we get through them or if they're signs from God trying to tell us we are not supposed to be together. I honestly don't know. It doesn't help that I don't have a firm belief in God. How do you know if something is a sign from God? And if there is a God, then there must be a devil, and my understanding is that he gives signs too. How am I supposed to know what to think of all this?
The latest issue is with Shane's children. He has two very sweet children, a girl who is 10, and a boy who is about to turn 13. His daughter reminds me a lot of me when I was her age. She's loves arts and crafts and has no interest in cheerleading (if you know what i mean). I really like spending time with her because she's the age that I can do crafts with her and she'll actually listen and can follow what I'm doing. His son is really sweet too, but I don't really know how to bond with boys. But I've had a lot of fun spending time with both of them.
The kids live with their mother and spend every other weekend with dad. The girls and I have been staying with Shane off and on during our time of displacement. Well, they went home and told their mother that we had moved in and were jealous of the attention that Shane gives my girls (which I can understand because he does give a lot of attention to them, and I don't help matters because when he helps take care of them, it makes my life much less stressful). Anyway, they were feeling unloved and threatened, and Shane sat everyone down and talked about the situation and tried to clear things up. And that issue kind of sat on the back burner because shortly thereafter Miguel started up with his death threats. That took center stage for a while. But now that Miguel has settled down and I stood my ground with him, Shane's kids are feeling threatened again, and their mother is making things worse and telling Shane that she's going to take him to court and take away his visitation rights. It makes me really wonder what it is the kids are telling her. It's so strange because when we're all together, they don't say anything. They act like everything is fine, and then they go home to their mother, and Shane gets a phone call about what a horrible dad he is.
I'm not envying Shane's position right now at all. He needs to respect his children's feelings, but at the same time, he can't let them walk all over him and dictate how he's going to live his life and who he's going to see. It would be one thing if we were sitting around smoking pot and doing lines of coke while ignoring the kids, but that's not the case at all. We go swimming together, make dinner, play games, go to baseball games, attend church, etc. And of course I'm full of ideas about what he should do, but it's his situation and he has to decide how he's going to deal with it. I personally don't think he should give in, but then again, I don't know much about his ex and whether or not she actually has the ability and the determination to take away his visitation rights. It just seems to me that if he gives in now, they're going to do the same thing the next time he gets in a relationship, especially since it worked this time.
Anyway, I have a bad feeling about this latest trial. It feels different than the others, and I wouldn't be surprised if he chooses to stop seeing me. And that hurts and it's scary. But if that's the case, then I'll get through it. Eventually.
2 comments:
Your questions and concerns are valid. How DO you know if there is a God? If there IS a God, then there must also be an opposing force and just exactly how do those elements come into play? Or is it all just random? I know what I feel about those questions, but that isn't the point is it? At some point I hope that you will be able to come terms with what you're feeling and dealing with - but in the meantime... I mostly hope and pray that you will be able to be strong and healthy and nourish and cherish and comfort yourself and those girls in a way that will make you all stronger. I believe with every fiber of my being that you DO have what it takes to do just that. Now, if only YOU could come to that conclusion and believe in yourself as well. But, I think that day WILL come! Know that you ARE loved! And all you can do is the best you can, taking one day and one minute at a time. I love you.
Wow Kels that is rough. I totally know what you are saying that sometimes you don't really know what God is trying to say or if he is trying to say something...my only advice that has helped me would be prayer and listening to the Holy Ghost, but that's not always easy either. Just know NO MATTER what, He loves you and that is always comforting. Good luck with Shane. I agree with your mom though, most of all I hope you are finding peace and happiness and that you and your girls get lots of love!
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